Neil: How jolly! Thanks for coming. Would you like to hear some more tunes?
Audience: Yeah!
Neil: That’s lucky ‘cause we’ve got shit loads. And er… so many that we’re going to have an intermission. Ooh. So you can all get your G and T’s. Of course you won’t dare ‘cause there’s always such a mess at the backlog. Right, this is called ‘Becoming More Like Alfie’.

Once,
There was a time
When my mind lay on higher things;
And once,
There was a time,
I could find pretty words to sing.
But now,
But now I find
It saves time to say what you mean.
I know it seems so unrefined
But it’s time to let off some steam.

Oh come on!
Everybody knows that No means Yes, Everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S. glasses come free on the N.H.S.
But the more I look through them, the more I see more I look through them, the more I see
I’m becoming more like Alfie. becoming more like Alfie

Once,
There was a time
When a kind word could be enough;
And once,
There was a time
I could blindfold myself with love.
But not now,
Now I’m resigned
To the kind of life I had reserved
For the other guys less smart than I,
You know, the kind who will always end up with the girls.

And besides,
Everybody knows that No means Yes, Everybody knows that No means Yes
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S. glasses come free on the N.H.S.
But the more I look through them, the more I see more I look through them, the more I see
I’m becoming more like Alfie. becoming more like Alfie
Hey!

Becoming more like Alfie.

Neil: Thanks a lot.