Woman in the audience: You can’t smoke!
Neil Hannon: I, I...what? This smoking thing has got a hold at left hand. Anyway, I need to smoke for this song or else I just don’t feel beautiful. This’s called ‘The Frog Princess’.

I met a girl, she was a frog princess.
I guess I ought to make it clear
That I saw nothing through her see-through dress
Until she whispered in my ear:

“You don’t really love me
And I don’t really mind
‘Cause I don’t love anybody.
That stuff is just a waste of time.
Your place or mine?”

I met a girl, she was a complete mess.
I should’ve left her well alone.
But oh no, not me!
I had to see if underneath that dress
Her heart was really made of stone.

And you don’t really love me
And I don’t really mind
‘Cause I don’t love anybody.
That stuff is just a waste of time.
Your place or mine, honey?

I met a girl, she was a frog princess
And yes I do regret it now
But how was I to know that just one kiss
Could turn my frog into a cow?

And now I’m rid of her I must confess
To thinking ‘bout what might have been
And I can visualize my frog princess
Beneath a shining guillotine.

Neil: No, no, no, no, no, you’re forgetting one thing.

You don’t really love me
And I don’t really mind -
‘Cause it is alright -
‘Cause I don’t love anybody.
I come and go through people’s love lives.
Your place or mine?

Your place or mine?
Baby,
Oh, babe,
Sweet baby!

You don’t really love me
And I don’t really mind
‘Cause I don’t love anybody.
That stuff is just a waste of time.

You don’t really love me,
Now, do you?

Your place or mine?

Neil: Thank you. See you after the break.